10 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE August 31, 2001

evening'sout

Phantom apologies make for a breezy, fun read

Dear Dan

Apologies From an Imperfect World by Dan Woog

Alyson, $13.95

Reviewed by Kaizaad Kotwal

Most of us don't speak our minds all the time. Most of us would love to say a lot of things to a lot of people in a lot of different situations, but many of us probably leave those things unsaid and stew away on our own time.

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Then there are those times when we would like to say a savory word or two to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, George W. Bush and Laura Schlessinger, but are unable to because they hide behind television screens and are lost within radio waves. Author Dan Woog has concocted a delicious set of letters and memos from enemies of the GLBT folk.

But there is a twist: What if these people wrote letters apologizing to GLBT folk for their warped views, their ignominious hate and their anti-gay propaganda?

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fect World, Woog has created a laugh riot of "what if" letters that are pure fantasy, but worth contemplating nonetheless. Woog imagines all these homophobes come clean for their past ignorance and hatred toward GLBT people.

Fred Phelps writes, "I apologize for having authored a pamphlet titled 'Mother Teresa in Hell"."

George W. Bush, in a speech explaining "compassionate conservatism" to a gay audience, proclaims that, "Against my better judgment, I partied like a rich, white frat boy so I could empathize with gay men."

Memo

the nomination of gay Ambassador James Hormel by writing that, "We were hoping he might know some excellent caterers."

To: Dear Dan...

Mapuiestee 'izg* an Imperious aurie . Br. Laurs Bahiersinger Serge v. Suck

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Dan Woog

Reggie White, a football player turned preacher who made some vile remarks about gay people a few years ago, admits, at least in Woog's world, that, "Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, 'Reggie, you may have a body by Fisher, but you sure got brains from Mattel'." And Luxembourg, as a nation, responds to

W

The Log Cabin Republicans vow to no longer maintain their affiliation with the Republican Party. They regret that "we have spent years crawling into bed with the most odious of people."

Each letter or memo in the book is printed in a different typeface, and that adds nicely to the overall feel of the book. The only complaint is that one of the cursive fonts, simulating handwriting, is difficult to read.

The book is a quick, breezy read and funny from page to page. It's

pure fantasy, but Woog's writing is astute, informed and relevant to the current state of GLBT affairs. Even though Woog is spoofing enemies from within and outside the gay community, his ideas are filled with a poignancy and truth that are worth ruminating.

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